Navigating the Maze of Mental Illness- My Journey through ADHD, Depression, Social Anxiety, and Panic Attacks

Navigating the Maze of Mental Illness- My Journey through ADHD, Depression, Social Anxiety, and Panic Attacks

by

Srutismita Rout (Sem V, 2023)


Introduction

Mental illness affects millions of people throughout the world and is often misunderstood by those who are not suffering from the problem. Each individual experiences mental health issues differently. It is a complex interplay between people’s genetics, life circumstances, and personal history. I have taken a self reflexive stand here to write on my own and unique experience with ADHD, depression, social anxiety, and panic attacks. My goal here is to take myself as a case to shed light on the realities of living with these conditions and provide insight into how resilience and strength can be found.

The ADHD Rollercoaster

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a condition characterised by difficulties with attention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. This journey began in childhood, marked by struggles in school and difficulty in focusing on tasks. As an adult, I'll describe it as a rollercoaster of racing thoughts and the constant feeling of being "scattered." "Living with ADHD feels like trying to catch fireflies in the dark," they say. "You see glimpses of clarity and focus, but they always slip away just as quickly." Excessive talking, interrupting while someone is talking, inattentive, restless, overthinking every time, were my common symptoms. As a result, I still now sleep a lot as a coping process.

Managing ADHD has always been a challenging process. Developing a structured daily routine and practising mindfulness have helped me regain some control over their thoughts and actions.

 

The Depths of Depression

 

Depression is a silent, relentless battle that affects countless lives. It's marked by persistent sadness, hopelessness, and a loss of interest in activities they once loved. "It's like walking through a never-ending tunnel with no light at the end," I recall.

Overcoming depression is a continuous process. As described above my coping process through teenage years as sleeping, I used to think if I will sleep through it, maybe I won't think too much about it nor do something irrational which I will regret later and bring sadness to people I know. The habit still persists. 

Social Anxiety: The Weight of Judgment

Social anxiety can be a suffocating burden, causing intense fear and avoidance of social interactions. I'll describe social anxiety as a constant fear of judgement, leading to isolation and missed opportunities. "Imagine standing on a stage, and the entire world is watching, ready to criticise your every move, that's what social anxiety feels like."

 

The Battle with Panic Attacks

Panic attacks are sudden, intense episodes of fear that can be overwhelming and terrifying. It's a horrible feeling of impending doom, heart palpitations, and a loss of control that often

accompanies these attacks. "Panic attacks are like a storm that comes out of nowhere,". "You're sailing in calm waters one moment, and the next, you're in the midst of a tempest."

Coping up with panic attacks isn't an easy task as it always finds a way to affect my daily responsibilities in some way or other. Yes of course over the years it's lessened but it's never zero.

Conclusion

Living with ADHD, depression, social anxiety, and panic attacks is a journey filled with challenges and triumphs. Mental health is not a linear path; it's a process of self-discovery, self-compassion, and resilience.

There is strength in vulnerability, and let us not underestimate the courage it takes to share one's experiences with mental illness. By shedding light on these issues, I hope I can continue to break down the stigma surrounding mental health and support those who are on their own unique journey toward healing and recovery.

 I have created a drawing that describes my experiences. In a moment of whim, I just drew it. However, it has acquired a new significance today.

 Anger is symbolised by the red straight lines that emanate straight from the head. The five finger-like creatures represent anxiety. Two-faced girls represent multiple personalities I used to cope with above. The letters on the right side represent hallucinations that used to happen occasionally (mainly auditory). The Melting of colors under the face represents depression. As for the heavy red splatter, it's the responsibility that is holding everything also me in place.





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